Not ready yet

Today I am getting ready to throw my daughters first birthday. I know it may sound a little silly to some people but this very thought brings me to tears. I remember just a little under a year ago the long horrible labor part of the birthing process and don't remember begging my mom to stay even though my dad was worried about the 2 hour drive home in a snow storm in the middle of the night. I also don't remember telling my partner that I hate him, and that we were adopting the next one. Oddly enough, both of those concepts don't exist anymore.



When Illiana was placed on my chest I remember thinking how beautiful and perfect she was. Of course, most of that was just hormones. About 2 hours later when my sister showed me pictures of her when Illiana was first born I informed Illiana in my still slightly drugged state that she sure was ugly. Not meaning physically but she was early and all covered with that slimy gross vernix that is definately something I'd like to skip with the next one. That and the being induced for 4 days. I'll skip that too. I remember thinking about how much I loved her right off, and that she was mine and that she was wonderful and everything I could have ever hoped for.



So tomorrow we're celebrating. Granted a little prematurely but celebrating none the less one year of undeniable wonderfully, beautiful, cuteness. Meaning of course Illiana. I love you buttercup!!